Where would I even begin to share? How do I capture in words the awesomeness of my God? His love and faithfulness are without end, even when I was undeserving.
My mother was an amazing woman. She raised four daughters while surviving poverty, spousal abuse, and health issues. She took us to church and taught us of the goodness of God. She instilled the importance of a good education and reminded us daily that we could be anything we wanted to be, if only we believed. All I wanted, for as far back as I can remember, was to be a mommy. I cared for baby dolls and little sisters with diligence and tenderness. I was quick to volunteer for every baby-sitting opportunity. I knew that I was destined to have a house full of children.
I married at 19 and immediately began to watch for signs of impending pregnancy. After a year of nothing, I sought the expertise of a doctor. After my exam, he promptly told me that while he could not explain why I was unable to conceive, I definitely would not be able to get pregnant. I thought, “How dare he speak those awful words to me? Doesn’t he know how desperately I want to be a MOM!?”
That first doctor’s report disappointed me but did not dissuade me from my maternal goals. I had drifted away from church in my teen years, but a short time following the negative report, my husband and I decided that God would be the missing factor in our failed attempts to become parents. So, we returned to church. Not long after, a prophetic word was given to me – the word – “You will conceive a child. I promise you a heritage and I will keep my promise.” Oh, the joy of those words! I knew God was sovereign and my baby was on the way. I began to watch fervently for signs again. Every unusual thing that occurred with my body would send me promptly to Wal-Mart for a pregnancy test, and every test would reveal a very clear NO.
When God spoke of Sarah conceiving, she laughed (Genesis 18:12). How rude! “I didn’t laugh, Lord. I readily accepted your promise. And yet still no child.” Had He forgotten His promise to me? When Sarah did not immediately conceive, she deemed it necessary to help God to fulfill His promise to her; she sent in Hagar to lay with Abraham, and what do you know, a son! So, when weeks turned to months and months to years with no baby, I too decided maybe I should take action. I should help God with His promise. Back to the doctor we went and another doctor and another doctor. We tried tests and drugs and shots of every kind. Surely modern medical science could enable me to conceive! Right? Wrong!
After about 10 years, I pretty much gave up. I began to focus on my education and my career. If no babies were in my future, I would busy myself with success! I enrolled in college and started earning my degree. I changed jobs. After 13 years together, my husband and I divorced. My life rolled along with direction but without purpose. I successfully completed an associate’s degree, then a bachelor’s degree and then started working on my MBA. I got promoted regularly in my job and was doing okay all by myself. I wasn’t seeking God. I didn’t have kids, pets, or men in my life to distract me from where I was going. I was successful, but I was lonely.
Midway into my MBA and into my 30’s, I made the very positive decision to give in to the strong call of God in my life and returned to church. I began to devour His Word and gave Him full authority in my life. I felt strong inside, and for the first time in years, I experienced joy. (Nehemiah 8:10) Shortly after this immersion into God, I met a handsome man who was insistent on sweeping me off my feet. Although I had asked God for a companion who would love Him like I did, I spurned many initial advances. One afternoon we discussed God and all that goes along with Him. In my prayer time, God revealed that this man was indeed sent by Him. Eventually, I agreed to a date. We immediately discovered we were quite compatible, and within a month of dating, he presented a ring and a question.
Now, having been single and focused for so long, I was a little hesitant about this step in our relationship. I prayed about it and waited. God answered and I answered…YES! Plans to wed were put in motion. But I did not even consider a child with this man from God. Even though I believed God’s Word and trusted that if He gave a child to Hannah, Rebekah, Elizabeth, and more, while they were thought to be barren, then He would do the same for me. “I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for.” I Samuel 1:27 One afternoon, just out of the blue, my husband said to me, “Tammy, you are going to have my baby!” I reminded him gently that I was unable to have children and asked him not to bring it up again. He was not fazed by my confession and said again, “You will have my baby.” There is a lot of power in the spoken word: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it.” Proverbs 18:21
I gave no more thought to his statement and we proceeded into a very happy life with one another. A few months into our relationship, I started getting sick. It wasn’t the type of illness that sends you to the doctor, but I was sick everyday, all day long. This continued and grew progressively worse. After more than two months, I decided to see the doctor. I was sure that I had cancer or I was going through menopause. Something was terribly wrong! The doctor drew blood, checked me over, ran tests, and left the room. There I sat all alone waiting for a dreadful diagnosis.
She returned some time later with a very funny look on her face. She closed the door, looked at me with all seriousness and began to softly cry. Oh no! I am dying…I know I am dying. Very quietly she spoke, “You are going to have a baby! You are pregnant, Tammy!” What? Could it be true? Praise God! Just like with Sarah and many years passing between promise and conception, my nearly twenty years had passed and my baby was on the way! “Is anything too hard or wonderful for the Lord? At the appointed time, when the season for her delivery comes around, I will return to you and Sarah shall have borne a son.” Genesis 18:14
I announced to the baby doctor on my first visit to him that he would admit by the end of my pregnancy that it was indeed ordered by the Most High God. He smiled, saying nothing, and proceeded with the exam. I was three months pregnant and had no idea. Praise God! There was no fear, apprehension, and no doubt that God had kept His promise. I spent the next five months happy as a lark and loving pregnancy.
“Hannah became pregnant and in due time bore a son…because she said, I have asked him of the Lord.” I Samuel 1:20 My son was born in January 2008. He was a month premature but was healthy and beautiful and blessed. After 26 hours of intense labor, followed by a c-section, my doctor came into the recovery room and told my husband, mother-in-law, and me, “Tammy’s uterus is not normal. It is in the shape of a perfect heart, and therefore, it is medically impossible for her to conceive, carry, or bare children. Brody could not have come by any other means than by the hand of God.” We all wept!
God is faithful and He loves His children. He longs to show us His goodness! When we make the decision to give everything to Him and just trust Him, our world changes. In Psalm 37:4, we are told, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.”