I’ve No Cause For Worry Or For Fear

Three weeks ago today, I found myself in my car, parked outside a medical building that I had not been to in over 10 years.  Although it was years ago, I remember sitting in my car in that same parking lot, crying about results from an exam I had just had.  I wrote about that in Joy-Tester.

I was unable to hold back my tears.  My emotions were right on the surface, only this time the tears were for a blood test I was about to take.  I tried to evaluate my response and wondered, “Why am I losing control this time?”  It was simply worry and fear.  Worry about the future.  Fear that the test might reveal results I didn’t want to accept, which led me to worry about what could happen after that.  As a young child, I trusted Christ as my Savior, yet didn’t my worry and fear translate that I couldn’t trust Him with my current or future circumstances – with whatever His will is for my life?

Fear is defined as a strong emotion caused by anticipation of danger or anxious concern.  Worry is similar, meaning mental distress resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated.  Yet as Carolina Sandell Berg penned in the song, Day By Day, “I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.”

Why?  Because faith’s sweet consolation is my comfort.  “God never gives feeling to enable us to trust Him; God never gives feeling to encourage us to trust Him; God never gives feeling to show that we have already and utterly trusted Him.  God gives feeling only when He sees that we trust Him apart from all feeling, resting on His own Word, and on His own faithfulness to His promise.”  (Streams, September 26).  Faith alleviates my feelings and emotions.  Faith moves me forward to the next step.

Picture a little girl who is scared of the path ahead, but still, she looks up and takes her daddy’s hand and starts to walk with him.  She doesn’t have to be afraid.  She just needs to trust.  We must put our hand in the hand of God just like that and trust He will lead us, even if we don’t know where we are headed.

“The clinging hand of His child

makes a desperate situation a delight to Him.” 

Streams in the Desert, October 14

I have since gotten the results of my test, and although there are still unknowns, I can honestly say I have not worried or been fearful about the situation anymore.   I’ve been where you are: desperately wanting to have a baby, and now that I’m on the other side, it is easy for me to say, “have faith, rejoice, and trust.”  While that is true, this recent experience brought me back to a place where I could remember what it’s like to be IN that moment where you are right now.  I had to trust Him then and I have to trust Him now.

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,

it only saps today of its joy.”

Leo Buscaglia in Zig Ziglar’s Something to Smile About

“God Is My Strength – Part One” by Amy

I’ll admit; this is probably the hardest thing for me to write about.  When it comes to my emotions, I like to bury them deep, especially when it comes to painful topics.  So, it has certainly taken me a while to get myself to a point to sit down and write this.  And still…it isn’t going to be easy.  I’ve really known all my life that I would never naturally have a baby.  I don’t know why I felt that way, but I did.  I had a lot of problems in my younger years with irregular cycles and as I got older, they got farther and farther apart.  I worried in silence, and the doctors never offered me any solution but to take birth control (which didn’t seem to make any sense to me).  So, I just ignored it for a long time.

I finally talked about it when my husband and I got engaged.  I sat him down and told him.  At the time, I don’t think he took it too seriously.  I think he believed I was over-thinking things and exaggerating.  We got married on Valentine’s Day 1999 and began our life together.  He was 27 and I was 28.  We went about our lives, working, buying a house, collecting stuff, and not thinking about it.  After about two and a half years, when I turned 30, I started thinking it was time we start thinking about a baby.  But we didn’t seek a doctor for quite some time.

Finally, we realized it was going to require some testing and help.  This is when I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) from my doctor.  Syndrome?  What did that even mean?  But there was hope.  I was to take some meds, monitor my temperature every morning, do some ovulation tests, etc., and come back monthly to be monitored.  The first few months were hard because my charting was not turning out as expected.  So, the doctor increased the dosage.  I’m the first one to avoid any kind of medication because I am so sensitive to side effects.  Oh, I felt awful taking this, but I continued.  This time, my chart looked exactly how it was supposed to.  I was so excited to come back and get an ultrasound.  The disappointing news was I didn’t even ovulate.

I told myself I wasn’t going to be an emotional basket case.  I was just going to follow the doctor’s instructions without expectation.  That is impossible.  You spend too much time on this chart and temperatures and tests to not be very emotional throughout the process.  The doctor told me that I was a case that was going to require a fertility clinic.  But, as someone with PCOS herself, my doctor warned me that the drugs (daily shots) were going to be much worse than what I was already taking and told me how her own husband made her quit them after only one month because of how “crazy” they were making her.  Add to that the cost of $2500/month and I was just crushed.  I had to take a break from it for a little while.

We eventually decided instead we would adopt through DHS.  It took several months of background checks, home studies, and classes before we were approved.  Then we waited and waited.   Finally after about a year (and by this time I’m 32), we were given the option to be placed with two boys, ages 4 and 6.  We said yes.  Within a month, we had the two boys in our home.  It was both a wonderful time and a very trying time.  We were unprepared.  As much as the classes try to teach you, it’s an experience no one understands until going through it.  We failed.  After a year, we decided not to adopt.

Looking back, we realize we made so many mistakes.  We both had so much guilt for failing, too.  Our thoughts have always been with those boys as we completely turned away from adoption, fertility, or any other talk of children for years after that.  My husband still carries their pictures in his wallet, and I have kept all the pictures and their life books for when I can get them to the boys.  It was another silent sadness we now carried with us into the present day.  (Recently, I was fortunate to find out that both boys were adopted when I made contact with the older one.  That has given us some peace all these years later.)

A few more years go by, and during this time, my husband gets saved.  Yes, he was an atheist (a nice one), but nevertheless, an atheist.  So, even though I got saved as a child, I had spent much of my life apart from God.  By my husband getting saved, it brought both of us to the Lord.  We both believe that our loss and failure with the boys set him on a journey that ultimately brought him to the cross.  What a blessing from such a tragedy.  As a result, we found a good church home and some great friends.  Even then, we didn’t talk with anyone about this.  There was more suffering in silence.  As far as anyone knew, we just happened to be a childless couple married six years by this time.  So, we dedicated ourselves to serving the Lord and helping others.

It was not longer after, we found out about a local ministry, Crisis Pregnancy Outreach (CPO), from another church member who had adopted through them.  It was 2006 by this time and we agreed to go with this friend to a meeting.  Many different people adopting were giving their testimonies, and one couple told of their failed adoption in which they were raising their baby and the bio father came back into the picture and ended up with custody after they had him for quite a while.  That completely terrified me and I left thinking I cannot endure any more losses.  I can’t do it.  By the way, I’ve heard so many people say that there are unknowns in a pregnancy (and there are) and unknowns in life (of course) and they equate it to the adoption process.  But, I don’t think it really compares.

This journey felt hopeless to me.  It was beyond me and out of my control.  And because of that, I avoided it.  Like I said, we dedicated ourselves to serving the Lord, but for me, I never trusted the Lord.  I did most everything in my own strength.  So, choosing to go through the adoption process now would mean I need to learn to trust the Lord in whatever happens including a potential loss.  It took another two years.

During this time, we got a phone call from my mother who heard about a lady about to have twins.  She had found an attorney to help her locate an adoptive family.  It was very short notice so I wrote a one page “life story” and sent it in.  She chose three families to interview and we happened to be one of them.  I was nervous, worried and excited.  We fasted and prayed for three days and I was certain that this was God’s answer to our prayer.  We could in one moment have our family complete.

We were the second couple to meet with her.  She seemed nice and things went well.  We had church friends praying for us during this meeting as well, so I just knew this was it.  We saw the third couple arrive as we left.  The next day we found out she had chosen the third couple.  Once again, I was crushed.  I was so sure about this.  I told the attorney I needed to know what was the deciding factor and he told me that she was leaning towards picking us after we left and he agreed that we were also the best fit, but then the wife of the third couple begged her and pleaded with her to pick them so she did.  It all seemed very unfair.  But, it was done and we were back again, facing this ever-so-vast emptiness in our hearts.

Why, I kept wondering,”was the Lord doing this?  To be honest, I was quite angry about it.  I remember so many Mother’s Days, thinking if children are a blessing and heritage from the Lord and a reward, then what was God saying to me?  I felt punished.  But, I never told anyone but my husband what I was thinking.  I knew it was wrong, but I had no way to feel differently about it.

Despite that, in 2008, married nine years and at age 37, I remember running into the church member, who now had two adopted children through CPO, and thinking to myself, “What am I waiting for?”  It finally dawned on me that by trying to protect my heart from another potential loss, I was also pushing away any potential blessing God might have in store.  So, while I was bitter and angry with God, I finally realized that I had a role to play, which I had been avoiding.  We almost immediately made a life book, got our application filled out, and went to the very next meeting turning it all in to CPO.  And the real test of faith began.

Click on this link to read Part Two

 

The Joy Of Encouragement by David Jeremiah

 What is a wounded soul but one aching for hope?

Redirect a life.

 

You wield the power to heal the hurting. 

You hold the words to affirm the doubting.

Several years ago, my husband recommended I listen to a series about encouragement on Dr. David Jeremiah’s radio broadcast.  It was such a blessing to me, that I promptly ordered his book, The Joy Of Encouragement.  Since I recently shared some thoughts on becoming a self- encourager, I want to recommend my main source – this book and its study guide.  Dr. Jeremiah will share how to encourage and how not to encourage anyone you know – your husband, your children, your friends, your fellow church members, and a world that needs to know about the love of Jesus.

You may request a copy of the book by giving a donation in any amount by clicking on this link:  The Joy Of Encouragement by David Jeremiah.  You can also order a study guide through Amazon.com or other places online.  Be sure to find out whether you are ordering the actual book or study guide.  I ordered a book on Amazon thinking I would give it to a friend, but instead it was the study guide, so I kept it for myself!  I recommend this book to anyone who is hurting or to anyone who wants to learn how better to encourage someone who is going through a difficult time.

The Joy of Encouragement is an uplift in itself. 

You’ll find yourself basking in God’s love while giving it away.

Be A Self-Encourager: Encouraging Yourself Through Song: “Day By Day And With Each Passing Moment” by Carolina Sandell Berg

Earlier, I wrote how “It Is Well With My Soul” was one hymn that has held special meaning for me.  “Day By Day” is the other classic hymn that has encouraged me.  Our choir has often sung it.  In my journal, I had written about a particular instance in July 2003 when we were practicing it.  I wanted to mean the words I was singing, and the tears started to flow.  I tried to control it, but they just wouldn’t stop.  After excusing myself, I tried to leave the building and go home, but a friend spotted me and wouldn’t let me sneak out.  Instead we talked in an office, where she said she prays for me every day.  She encouraged me that day and made me laugh, too.

When our choir practiced the next Sunday as final preparation before the service, I realized I must not have been the only one down in my spirit.  Our music director said it wasn’t supposed to be a grievous, mourning song, so smile!  I thought of that the whole song through, and made it, praise the Lord.

“Day By Day” was written by Lina Sandell, the daughter of a Swedish Lutheran minister.  She was stricken with a paralysis as a young child.  In 1858, at the age of 26, Lina was accompanying her father aboard a ship from Jonkoping to Gothenberg across Lake Vattern. The ship gave a sudden lurch, which caused her father to fall overboard and drown before her very eyes.  Sources often give this tragic event as the motivation for the writing of this hymn, which reflects a simple child-like trust in Christ and a deep sense of his abiding presence, despite adversity.

 ~

 Day by Day And With Each Passing Moment

Words by Carolina Sandell Berg

Tr. Andrew L. Skoog

Music by Oscar Ahnfelt

~

Day by day and with each passing moment,

Strength I find to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,

I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure

Gives unto each day what He deems best;

Lovingly, it’s part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

~

Every day the Lord Himself is near me

With a special mercy for each hour.

All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,

He whose name is Counselor and Power.

The protection of His child and treasure

Is a charge that on Himself He laid;

“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”

This the pledge to me He made.

~

Help me then in every tribulation

So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation

Offered me within Thy holy word.

Help me Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,

E’er to take, as from a  father’s hand,

One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

Till I reach the promised land.

~

Day By Day by Maya Uniputty

Although only the first verse is in English, this woman’s voice is beautiful.

Day By Day piano by Mattias Nilsson

“God Is Good. All The Time.” by Kathy

My infertility story is nothing exotic. I suppose it could be summed up like this: I wanted kids, but could not have them. God surprised us with two late in life. Now they are grown.

Okay, okay. Guess there might be a little more to the story.

Terry and I did not marry young. I was 29 and he was 32. The same year we married, we began trying to have children. After most of a year with no success, we began having some tests done. Terry was producing plenty of healthy sperm. My fallopian tubes were open and useable. My periods were very irregular, so finding a time that I might be ovulating was described by my doctor to be like “finding a needle in a haystack.” In 1985, I began seeing a fertility specialist. He put me on what seemed at the time to be a horrendously expensive drug called Clomid. I took it for several months, but with no success. Terry and I decided that would be all the intervention we would use. Back in the early ‘80s, there was not quite as much available as is used now, but we both knew that I was not emotionally prepared to go through an ordeal to get pregnant, with no guaranteed result. So, we left the matter in God’s hands.

Every Mother’s Day was hard for me. I would cry. This went on for years and years. I enjoyed my nieces and nephew and “adopted” a few more along the way. But, my arms were still empty, and I still desired a baby of my own.

I had worked as a church secretary all of my adult life, and in 1988 we decided it was best for me to quit work, so I did. Getting pregnant was something we had totally given up on. I did not quit work in order to have a better chance at getting pregnant. I quit because we knew it was right. Exactly one year after I quit work, Terry and I left on a trip to French Polynesia. My period was late, but I wrote it up to the excitement of international travel. I thought nothing more about it. Soon after we got back, Dr. Bill Rice held a revival meeting at East Central. I was there every night, but was feeling a little bit queasy. I would take a few crackers to munch on. After the meeting was over, I mentioned to Walta Hattaway about how I was feeling. She said, “Kathy, do you think you might be pregnant?” That possibility had never entered my mind! Monday morning, after Terry went to work, I called my gynecologist’s office and asked them about a pregnancy test. The nurse told me to sterilize a container and bring the first urine of the morning in to their office, so I did. I did not tell Terry I was doing this. We had too many disappointments for too many years, and I was not going to get his hopes up. I would handle this disappointment alone.

After I handed over the container of urine to the nurse, she soon returned and said, “Kathy, I think you might want to sit down! You’re pregnant!” I was just blown away with this unexpected and very happy news! I paid my bill and was given a receipt that said “Positive Pregnancy Test.” I drove straight from the doctor’s office to where my husband was working at his family’s boat dealership. Terry was not expecting me, so when he saw my car pull into the parking lot, he came to the door. I did not say a word to him, but simply held up the paper that said “Positive Pregnancy Test.” His response was, “You’ve got to be kidding!”

Of course, most of his family was there working with him, so they rejoiced with us. Right away, we told my Mom and all our friends. People were so happy for us! Many friends rejoiced with us just as if they were our flesh-and-blood family!

After my second appointment with an OB/GYN someone had highly recommended, that doctor said, “I think you need to see Dr. Beeson.” Dr. Beeson is a high-risk obstetrician who for years was the chairman of the OB/GYN department at OU. He trained many other doctors. I was cared for by the best of the best! (The reason I was sent to him is that I have diabetes.) Well, I was petrified of having a huge and unhealthy baby, so I was super careful with everything I ate. While pregnant with Julie, I gained just 7 ½ pounds, and she weighed about ½ a pound more. God gave us a beautiful, healthy baby girl in June of 1990, when I was 38 and Terry was 41. When she was about 20 months old, I miscarried a baby I did not realize I was pregnant with. Then, a few weeks before she was 3 ½ (in November of 1993), God blessed us with another perfectly healthy baby, “Tommy” (now Tom).

I really believe God did all this for us to PROVE HIMSELF STRONG! Had I opted for a lot of medical intervention, then the doctors would have been given the credit, and not God. I am not saying medical intervention is wrong; I am just saying it was not right for me.

Today, our late-in-life daughter is newly married, a kindergarten teacher, and going to Russia as a missionary. Our son is a first-semester college student, studying to be a computer network engineer. They have both brought us much joy and made us very proud OLD parents!

God is good. All the time.

Be A Self-Encourager: Encouraging Yourself Through Song – “It Is Well With My Soul” by Horatio Spafford

We have learned to encourage ourselves through solitude with God and through Scripture, particularly the Psalms.  Lastly, we can encourage ourselves through song.

Ephesians 5:19 shows us how to be filled with the Spirit, “Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.”

“God’s people have reason to rejoice, and to sing for joy.  They are to sing and to make melody in their hearts; not only with their voices, but with inward affection, and then their doing this will be as delightful and acceptable to God as music is to us: and it must be with a design to please Him, and to promote His glory, that we do this; and then it will be done to the Lord.”  Matthew Henry

I enjoy current gospel music.  Many songs have encouraged me and lifted my spirits, but my favorites are the enduring hymns.  They are classic and they don’t sound dated.  Two hymns in particular ministered to me the most during my journey of infertility.  I wrote about it many times in my journal.  One of them is “It Is Well With My Soul”.

The story behind the writing of “It Is Well With My Soul” is perhaps a familiar one.  Elisabeth Elliot’s Secure in the Everlasting Arms presents it in more detail than I have ever heard in the past.

The great Chicago fire of the 1870s caused Horatio Spafford, a wealthy businessman, to take stock in his life.  Wanting to know Jesus better, he decided to sell everything and move to the land where He had walked.  Shortly before the ship sailed, he was delayed by business, but took the family to New York.  For some reason he was unable to explain, he had the purser change their cabin, moving them closer to the bow.  He returned to Chicago to finish his business.  Then came a telegram: SAVED ALONE.  The ship had sunk.  Mrs. Spafford had survived.  Their four daughters had perished.  Had they been in the cabin originally reserved amidships, all five would have drowned, for it was there that the steamer had been struck by another vessel.

Mrs. Spafford described that terrible black night when she and her four little girls were flung into the cold sea.  Frantically, she had tried to save them.  Barely, she had been able to touch with her fingertips the hem of the little gown of one, but could not grasp it.  She herself had been miraculously rescued as she floated unconscious on a piece of flotsam.

During Mr. Spafford’s voyage to join his wife in France, the captain summoned him one day to the bridge.  Pointing to his charts he explained that it was just here, where they were at that moment, that the other ship had gone down.  Spafford returned to his cabin and wrote the hymn, which has comforted countless thousands.  Mrs. Bertha Spafford Vester, the fifth daughter of Horatio and Mrs. Spafford, who was not born until after the tragedy, told this story to Mrs. Elliot.  What a joy to know God blessed them with another daughter!

 ~

 It Is Well With My Soul by Horatio Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll.  Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul. 

It is well with my soul.  It is well, it is well with my soul. 

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and hath shed His own blood for my soul. 

It is well with my soul.  It is well, it is well with my soul. 

My sin – O the bliss of this glorious thought, my sin, not in part, but the whole is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more: Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well with my soul.  It is well, it is well with my soul. 

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll: The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, “Even so” – it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul.  It is well, it is well with my soul. 

 ~

“It Is Well With My Soul” performed by Chris Rice

~

Piano by Greg Howlett

Early in 2003, I had my final attempt at ovulation induction with IUI.  It didn’t work.  I was still struggling to accept it might not be God’s will for me to get pregnant.  Adoption was next, and IVF was not yet in the picture.

This is what I wrote in my journal on March 12, 2003 – “Weepy day.  I cried at work a little and then at home.  Greg told me not to go to church tonight, but I showered and felt better so I went.  Greg wanted to pray with me.  He told me a lot of things the Lord had laid on my heart this very day.  I had to face reality that I thought God let me down.  Greg said it was the first time he sensed from me that I doubted God.  That hurts, and I’m ashamed of feeling that way.  Janice talked to me afterward because she saw me bawling.  Teri asked Greg about me.  Greg and Janice both said I was going through the grieving of my loss and that was natural.  I want to be at peace and say, ‘It is well with my soul.’ ”

“To love God is to love His will.  That which He gives we receive.  That which He takes away we relinquish.  He unfailingly allots grace in the measure needed.  It is for us to choose to receive or refuse it.  Our joy or our misery will depend on that choice.”  Elisabeth Elliot from “Whatever My Lot”, Secure in the Everlasting Arms

Be A Self-Encourager: Encouraging Yourself Through Scripture

David gave us the example of encouraging himself in the Lord through solitude in prayer to God.  Because of his distresses, many of the Psalms were written.  When going through a difficult day or a trying time, this may be the only book I want to read.

 “This book (Psalms) brings us into the sanctuary and directs us into communion with God, by solacing and reposing our souls in him, lifting up and letting out our hearts towards him.”  Matthew Henry

I am sharing some of my favorite Psalms of petition, promise, and praise.  You need not be afraid of opening your heart to God.  He hears you.

Psalms of Petition

Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, what wait I for?  My hope is in thee.”

Psalm 56:3 “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”

Psalm 61:1-2 “Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.  From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

Psalm 102:2 “Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.”

Psalm 119:49 “Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.”

Psalm 138:3 “In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.”

Psalm 141:1-2 “Lord, I cry unto thee: make haste unto me; give ear unto my voice, when I cry unto thee.  Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.”

Psalm 143:7-8 “Hear me speedily, O Lord; my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down in to the pit.  Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.”

Psalms of Promise

Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

Psalm 30:5b “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

Psalm 37:4-5 “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass.”

Psalm 42:11, “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?  And why art thou disquieted within me?  Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”

Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Psalm 84:11-12 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.  O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee.”

Psalm 112:7 “He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.”

Psalm 145:19 “He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.”

Psalms of Praise

 

Psalm 21:2 “Thou hast given him his heart’s desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips.”

Psalm 30:12 “To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.”

Psalm 86:10 “For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone.”

Psalm 106:1-2 “Praise ye the Lord.  O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever.  Who can utter the mighty acts of the Lord:  Who can shew forth all his praise?

Psalm 118:23 “This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.”

Psalm 126:3 “The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad.”

Psalm 136:3-4,23 “O give thanks unto the Lord of lords: for his mercy endureth forever.  To him alone doeth great wonders: for his mercy endureth forever.  Who remembered us in our low estate: for his mercy endureth forever.”

Psalm 145:3-4 “Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.  One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts.”

My favorite Psalm of Promise and Praise!

Psalm 113:1-9 “Praise ye the Lord.  Praise, O ye servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord.  Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and for evermore.  From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the Lord’s name is to be praised.  The Lord is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens.  Who is like unto the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high.  Who humbleth himself to behold the things that are in heaven and in the earth!  He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill; That he may set him with princes, even with the princes of his people.  He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.  Praise ye the Lord.”

Be A Self-Encourager: Encouraging Yourself Through Solitude

Infertility can make you feel isolated, like no one understands or cares, even when you’re crying out for help.  Often the circumstances can be too private or too painful to share.  You don’t want to sound like a broken record and fear being judged for your times of weakness.

Psalm 69:20 Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked for some to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. 

Psalm 142:4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. 

Sometimes when we need encouragement, we simply need to get alone in a quiet place with God and encourage ourselves in the Lord.  Our biblical example is from David in I Samuel 30:6, “And David was greatly distressed…but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  He knew what it was like to feel isolated and overwhelmed.  He also knew to Whom he should turn in order to encourage himself.

“The young king (David) turned to the one true God, his God, for encouragement.  There will be times when no one else will be there for us but God.”  Dr. David Jeremiah

We never have to be afraid to cry out to the Lord when we are overwhelmed.  He already knows and He cares.  Jesus said He would give us a Comforter, the Spirit of God.

John 14:16-18 “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth in you, and shall be in you.  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

 The Holy Spirit is our consoler, advocate, and comforter.  When we cry out to God, His Spirit gives us strength, hope, and support to ease our grief.  The Spirit fortifies us!  Do we not feel His presence when we cry out?

When we are filled with comfort, it doesn’t end there.  Once you fill yourself with courage, spirit, and hope, you can look for others to encourage with what you have learned from the Comforter.

“God does not comfort us to make us comfortable but to make us comforters.”  Dr. Jowett  (quote taken from Streams in the Desert, January 11^th)

Don’t Ignore Your Support System – My Thank You Notes

The 2012 theme for National Infertility Awareness Week, “Don’t Ignore,” first caused me to look back on the wounds of infertility, the times when I felt ignored in my condition, stung by the words and actions or inactions of people in their ignorance.  However, it didn’t take long for me to also reflect on the people who did not ignore me.  We all have a system of support, if we will avail ourselves to it.  I am thankful we didn’t go through this trial of infertility alone.  Thank you, my support system, the wonderful people and resources God has brought into my life in my time of need.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your omnipresence and your Word. 

For the times when I felt alone, You were always there.  When my heart was feeling overwhelmed, You comforted me through Psalms and other Scripture.  When I felt like no one understood, You preserved examples in the Bible we could learn from, like Sarah and Hannah, who also experienced barrenness.

Thank you for my husband.

You were and still are my protector and greatest source of strength and faith.  Thank you that we went through this trial together and came out of it with our faith and marriage still strong. 

Thank you for our loving parents, who hurt when we hurt and rejoiced when we rejoiced. 

In addition to being there to give hugs when we needed them, you prayed for us.  You sent cards and shared songs that were meaningful on this journey.  Mom, you helped me see God’s purposes in my trial of infertility.  Mom (in-law), you gave me my favorite written resource besides the Bible, my first copy of Streams in the Desert – a godsend!

Thank you for our loving family. 

Our brothers and sisters, your love and support with your prayers, phone calls, notes of encouragement, and thoughtfulness meant so much.  You also exhibited faith by saving all those baby things to pass on to me, generosity when turning your home into a bed and breakfast for me during my stays for IVF, empathy when experiencing secondary infertility and loss, and compassion in trying to be a part of the solution.  Our aunts and uncles, your notes and prayers encouraged us, as well as your efforts to help us find solutions to build our family.

Thank you for the spiritual authority you placed in our lives.

My pastor and his wife:  You loved us and prayed for us.  I am especially grateful you preached about joy from the Book of Philippians, the first series of messages God used for good in my trial of infertility.  You shared personal experiences and later caused me to face the difficult questions, like making sure God didn’t want us to have just one child.

After our preacher retired from the pastoral ministry, I became equally thankful for our new pastor and his wife:  Even though (or perhaps because) you were blessed seven children, you showed compassion for us.  God gave us peace and direction through you when we turned to you for counsel.  And most recently, I am thankful for your messages, the current series on the Life of Joseph – God Meant It For Good.  My pastor’s wife: You also shared godly wisdom in teaching me to think about different aspects concerning infertility and the treatment of it.  You offered hugs and a listening ear when I needed them most.  Thank you for your prayers on our behalf.

Thank you for the women who shared their stories of infertility with me and gave me hope. 

You gave me hope that I would also experience what it was like to be a mommy someday.  You remembered me on Mother’s Day, took me to doctor appointments, asked how things were going, listened to the Lord’s prompting to pray over us, hugged me, cried with me, sent cards, helped me realize I could be thankful I experienced infertility in a time when fertility treatment options like IVF were available.  You showed me I could stay encouraged, stay in His Word, and praise Him.

Thank you for the women who encouraged me while also going through struggles of infertility.

It was hard because some of you got pregnant before me.  But even harder was when I got pregnant and some of you were still barren.  I am blessed with friends like you who shared what helped you, like the website Hannah’s Prayer (http://www.hannah.org/).  You helped me realize secondary infertility was difficult, too.  You offered prayers, hugs, a listening ear, positively uplifting encouragement, and helped me see it is about trusting God and His plan for our lives, though it may not mirror the plan we had envisioned.

Thank you for the people we were privileged to teach.

It warmed our hearts when we heard some of our four-year old boys in Sunday school were praying for us to have a baby.  You heard it from your parents and that was special.  When we started teaching young-married couples, a few young moms gave me precious cards on Mother’s Day.  I saw God had given me children in that you considered me a spiritual mom.  Several of you encouraged me in my own trial even though you had gone through different but very difficult trials in your own pregnancies and deliveries.  One of you even wrote a poem for me on Mother’s Day, “What Makes A Mother.”  I am thankful for each of your testimonies during your difficult trials.

Thank you for showing me others who were hurting.

I am thankful for you who I felt suffered and sacrificed more than I, but through you I saw God uses the difficulties of others to teach us the same lessons and to have compassion.  My Streams in the Desert helped me so much that I wanted to give a copy to everyone who was hurting.  One of you shared with me that devotional and my gesture in giving it helped you make sense of your own trial.

Thank you for my friends and my church – the people I consider my family and my friends.

You gave me continuous support, a listening ear, cards and notes of encouragement, and fervent prayers.

Thank you…

To my friend who prayed God would give me the desire of my heart.  He did!

To my friend who did make eye contact with me while you opened gifts at your baby shower – I didn’t have to ask why, for I saw the compassion in your eyes and knew you were hoping I could experience this one day, too.

To my friend who mailed me a care package when you knew I had experienced disappointment in fertility treatments.

To my friend who was concerned enough about my struggle to ask someone who had experienced infertility to help me.

To my friend who realized I had a difficult time at that one particular ladies meeting in your home and you encouraged me with a sweet note instead of ignoring my pain.

To my friend who offered a big hug and a listening ear when I lost it in the choir one day.

To my friend who prayed for a bundle of joy for us, and knowing you’re a prayer warrior that meant a lot.

To my friend who made me a JOY bookmark for me when the Lord prompted you to think of me.

To my friend who prayed and wanted me to be pregnant almost as badly as I wanted to.

To my friend who gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and a hug when you noticed my tears in church one day.

To my friends who sent cards and prayed after my surgeries for endometriosis.

To my friend who wrote me a sweet note of compassion when you noticed my sorrow in church one day.

To my friend who took an interest in our desire to add to our family while I was trying to encourage you in your journey.

To my friend who confirmed God allows different trials of infertility in our lives and knows what each of us can handle.

To my friend who prayed for that baby girl; for all I know, you haven’t stopped.

Thank you for helpful online resources, like  RESOLVE (http://www.resolve.org/) and the many websites and blogs devoted to helping those who are experiencing infertility. 

You offer support and a voice for us.  You are a place we turn to when we need or want to keep things private.

Thank you, all of you, for bringing me joy in my journey.

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Don’t Ignore People With Infertility – Do You See Me?

When I was talking with my four pregnant friends and you came up to us and said, “Aw!  Look at all the pregnant women!”  Did you see me?

When you, my good friend who was once in my shoes, listened to me time and again talk about the pain of my infertility, yet one day said, “I think you need a support group.”  Did you see I stopped calling you for support?

When you laughed about getting pregnant with your sixth child and said, “All he had to do was look at me!”  Did you see me force a smile and wish it were really that easy?

When I was standing around my five expectant friends, you took note of their pregnant state and then looked at me saying, “What are you doing here?  Wishful thinking?”  Did you see me quietly excuse myself so I could run to the bathroom and cry?

When we got together for ladies fellowships, did you see I didn’t say anything because the only topics of conversation that came up were your pregnancy stories?  “Just call me Fertile Myrtle!”  “I’m so ready for this morning sickness to be over.”  “Hubby ran to the store and got me ice cream at midnight!”  “I felt her kick for the first time!”  “I feel like a beached whale!”

When our group of friends went out to lunch, did you see how I felt excluded when all anyone could discuss were the latest and greatest books and blogs on parenting?

When you talk about how everyone is pregnant – “Don’t drink the water!”  Did you see me?  I’m not pregnant, but I want to be.

When you opened gifts at your baby shower, did you see me in the crowd, trying to share in your joy, all the while hoping I could be next?

When the mothers were asked to stand in church on Mother’s Day, did you see me – sitting – hoping not to burst into tears and not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me?

When all you posted on facebook were pictures of your ultrasounds, updates of your cravings, photos of your pregnant belly month by month, posts of registering at Babies R Us, doctor visits, and Baby Center, did you see I am one of your “facebook” friends?  Did you see I had to limit your updates?

When God finally blessed you with a baby after your struggle with infertility, did you, of all people, see me?

If you do see me…

Don’t ignore me.  To ignore is not to know.  Don’t refuse to take notice of me and my infertility.

Think before you speak, if you must speak at all.

Don’t isolate me.  Try to imagine what it could be like if you were in my place and what you would want someone to say.

Remember I confided in you because I thought you were my friend.

Don’t dismiss my infertility – I may be in the minority, but I still have feelings.

Take a moment in private to tell me you hope I am next.

Don’t make mindless comments about your ability or my inability to get pregnant.

Write a heartfelt note to encourage me not to give up hope.

Think about excluding me from your baby posts so I won’t have to limit your updates.  Or try to understand if I don’t “like” or comment on them.

Don’t disengage me from conversation – take notice there are many interesting things to talk about in addition to pregnancy and babies.

Let me know you are praying for me – and then pray for me.

Don’t pretend that I have never talked to you about my struggle.  I made myself vulnerable sharing that with you.  Can you show balance while rejoicing in your pregnant/mommy state but also by being mindful of my infertility?

Consider that even if you don’t know I am struggling with infertility, there’s a good chance I am.

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

“Be Still, My Soul” by Katharina von Schlegel

Lately, I’ve been listening to Meditation – Hymnscapes Volume 3 by David Huff/Crossroads Music.  I am enjoying the instrumental hymns, whether it is for personal devotions, creating a peaceful environment in my home, or in my yoga class, which is where I first heard the CD.  The familiar hymns have ministered to my soul, such as “I Surrender All,” “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus,” “Count Your Blessings,” and “Just As I Am.”  As I began listening to them all, however, I picked up a hymnal to read the lyrics with which I was not familiar.  The song I have been drawn to lately is “Be Still, My Soul.”

It is a hymn that gives me peace and comfort, as if God is reassuring us as His children not to fret, but to rest in Him.  May the message lift your heart as I share them today.

“Be Still, My Soul”

Finlandia

Katharina von Schlegel

Be still, my soul – the Lord is on thy side!  

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide –

In every change, He faithful will remain.  

Be still my soul – thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end. 

~~~~~

Be still, my soul –  thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past;

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake – 

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul – the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

~~~~~

Be still, my soul – the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul – when change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Note: YouTube has many beautiful arrangements of this hymn, both vocal instrumental.  The Hymnscapes collection can be purchased at Mardel or online on different websites.  I purchased Volumes 3 – Meditation & 4 – Prayer together on Amazon.com.

 

I Would Have Laughed, Too, Sarah.

Last Mother’s Day, I heard a lesson on Biblical mothers of the faith.  The teacher spoke about Jochebed, Sarah, Hannah, Mary, and Eunice.  But then he questioned whether or not Sarah deserved a place in that group because she doubted, referring to the story in Genesis.

“And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son.  And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind them.  Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age, and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.  Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?  And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old?  Is anything too hard for the Lord?  At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”  Genesis 18:10-14.

When I heard those words, I felt defensive on Sarah’s behalf and heartily disagreed.  Sarah is one of my heroes.  She’s been my example!  Although I didn’t actually speak up verbally, I asked confidently to myself, “Which of those mothers made it to the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11?  Only Sarah.”  I rest my case.

Who wouldn’t have doubted or laughed by age 90?  Haven’t we done so ourselves at age 27, 30, 35, or 42?

She probably approached each month with faith, but then when that menstrual cycle started, or when she no longer had a cycle, doubt crept in.  Time and time again, month after month, year after year, nothing.  Then there is a glimmer of hope – a delayed period, a twinge of nausea, some other “sign” and we want to believe again.  Could it be?

No, your period starts right after you take your pregnancy test, and your nausea came from a stomach bug.  If you don’t cry, you just laugh at yourself and say that’s what you get for believing, hoping.  I’m not falling for that again.  So who can blame her?  I would have laughed, too, Sarah.

Thankfully, we have Sarah’s story to learn from – how she overcame her doubts and insecurity to become a hero of faith in the God of great faithfulness.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen…Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.  Therefore sprang there even of one, and him as good as dead, so many as the stars of the sky in multitude, and as the sand which is by the sea shore innumerable.”  Hebrews 11:1, 11-12

Matthew Henry gives us insight into her faith; faith we can relate to as well as learn from.

The difficulties of her faith:  Sarah was only human, just like us.  She didn’t believe; she laughed at the promise, as impossible to be made good.  Sarah also went out of the way of her duty through unbelief by giving her handmaid to Abraham.  Lastly, she focused on the great improbability – the fact that a child was promised when she was past age – 90!

The actings of her faith: Sarah’s unbelief was pardoned and forgotten.  Her faith prevailed and is recorded for us to see – for our example and for our hope.  She judged him faithful who had promised.  She received the promise as the promise of God; and being convinced of that, she truly judged he both could and would perform it, how impossible it might seem to reason; for the faithfulness of God will not suffer him to deceive his people.

The fruit and reward of her faith: She received strength to conceive seed.  The strength of nature, as well as grace, is from God: he can make the barren soul fruitful as well as the barren womb.  Sarah was delivered of a child, a child of the promise, and comfort of his parents’ advanced years, and the hope of future ages.  From them, by this son, sprang a great, powerful and renowned nation, above all the rest in the world; and a nation of saints, the peculiar church and people of God, and which was the highest honor and reward of all, of these, according to the flesh, the Messiah came, who is over all, God blessed forevermore.

“I Choose” by Rodney Griffin

The message of this song goes straight to the heart of anyone who is hurting, no matter the trial.  I only recently heard it as my husband had been listening to it on YouTube and ordered the music to sing in church.  May the words of the talented songwriter, Rodney Griffin, encourage you today and may God smile down on you as you choose!

“I Choose”

by Rodney Griffin

Master, may I be so honest?  Could I admit the way I feel?
I’m hurting.  It seems that You’ve forsaken.
I wonder, is Your love for me still real?
Though my friends think I am happy, unaffected by this trial,
they can’t see the pain I’m hiding just underneath my smile.
Master, I can’t live this way anymore.  So, today, I make my choice.

I choose to believe that You are faithful, and my heart is in Your hands,
and this mystery that I face today is part of a greater plan.
I choose not to be discouraged when the sun will not break through.
I have the choice of trusting You.  So, Lord, this is what I choose.

I know the road will not be easy.  I know I’ll have my weaker days.
And Satan will tell me I don’t mean it when I say I’ll trust God all the way.
But that really doesn’t matter.  I refuse to hear him out.
With my faith, I’ll find the power that will overcome all doubt.
Lord, I’ve never felt so strong as when I’m resting in Your arms.

I choose to believe that You are faithful, and my heart is in Your hands,
and this mystery that I face today is part of a greater plan.
I choose not to be discouraged when the sun will not break through.
I have the choice of trusting You.  So, Lord, this is what I choose.

I choose to believe that You are faithful, and my heart is in Your hands,
and this mystery that I face today is part of a greater plan.
I choose not to be discouraged when the sun will not break through.
I have the choice of trusting You.  So, Lord, this is what I choose.
This is what I choose.  Gonna trust You, Lord.  I choose!

Here is a link to the song on YouTube:

“I Choose” sung by Ivan Parker

I Prayed For You Today

One July morning, the Lord gave me a verse, a hope to cling to, a quiet confidence.  That day was July 23, 2000.  The 23^rd day of every month will always be one of my favorite days.  You can call me sentimental.  I am.  Before God gave us our son, every day that I realized was the 23^rd day of the month brought me hope and faith.  Now it brings me joy, and I praise Him.

I wrote about this in one of my earlier posts:  Psalm 113:9 God’s Promise.  If you read 5 Psalms a day each month, you will come to Psalms 111-115 on the 23^rd day.   That particular day on July 23^rd in 2000, I read Psalm 113:9 – “He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.  Praise ye the Lord.”

Most months, the 23^rd day passed without incident, but sometimes – a couple of times a year – that day proved to be very difficult regarding our infertility.  I would look to God for hope or encouragement or reassurance and realize it was the 23^rd.  If I had missed reading Psalms that day, I would soon realize what verses I would be covering.  It would make me smile – or smile and cry at the same time.  I knew God was still in control, and my heart would be comforted.

I want you to know you can count on me to be praying for you on the 23^rd day of every month until you have a baby.  I pray for the barren women I know by name and their particular situation or specific prayer request.  Even if I don’t know you by name, I pray for everyone who has subscribed to my blog or who might read this post and beg God to do the same for you and turn your hope and faith into joy and praise.

“God Makes No Mistakes” by Kim Moore

Someone in our church used to sing this beautiful song;  It would bring tears to my eyes but always encouraged me to keep trusting in the Lord.

God Makes No Mistakes

Words and Music by Kim Moore

Arranged by Mac Lynch

Verse 1

My life I give to you, O Lord;

Use me, I pray.

May I glorify your precious name

In all I do and say.

Let me trust you in the valley dark,

As well as in the light,

Knowing you will always lead me;

Your will is always right.

Verse 2

And when someday in heaven above

I see his dear face,

May I then be counted faithful

As a runner in this race.

But now I’m trusting in the Savior

To show me the way.

In his righteousness he guides me,

As I seek to please him day by day.

Chorus

I know God makes no mistakes,

He leads in every path I take

Along the way that’s leading me to home.

Though at times my heart would break,

There’s a purpose in every change he makes.

That others would see my life and know

That God makes no mistakes.

I know.

God Makes No Mistakes as sung by Mac & Debi Lynch