At least nine years ago, I felt the Lord impressing upon me to write about joy, my namesake. I didn’t believe God was letting me go through this trial without a reason. At least I didn’t want to let my trial of infertility go to waste or be in vain. I had become aware of so many ladies who knew how I felt and others who were currently going through the same sorrow of infertility that I started journaling my experiences.
I wanted to remind myself that God was in control and to recount the disappointments as well as answered prayers that would help me grow in faith. What God wanted me to learn and what He used to encourage me, I want to share with others who are experiencing the same pain. Somehow I do not feel adequate. Yet this experience has defined me by who I am today, and I have not been through a trial greater or longer than this one.
The joy of this trial – the end result – wasn’t just to have a baby. It had been in the process of my going through it that I realized God wanted me to have joy in spite of not having my heart’s desire – to have a baby of my own. To be able to take a pregnancy test and finally see two lines (a positive!), to experience pregnancy and the giving of life to a baby living inside of me, to be a mommy, to have a child who looks like his daddy or me, to be given a rose on Mother’s Day because I am a mother and not because they had leftover roses.
The joy has been in my journey. For in it, I have learned to have faith, rejoice, and trust.